Does this make me a ******?

Your feelings are genuine, and you shouldn't feel ashamed for having them. He used you in more ways than one, and now you are financially back peddling because of him. It's nice of you to still have some semblance of a relationship with him, but you should tell him that instead of buying you roses and cards, he should start paying you back the money he owes you little by little. If he doesn't do that, then let him know that you will not have a financial relationship with him, ever. That doesn't make you a *****. Good luck girl.